Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
