we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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