Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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