**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
