I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
