I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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