Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
