dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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