At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Send help, water and tortillas.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
