Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
