Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
