On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
