We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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