Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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