How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
