i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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