Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
