She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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