I'm really into asian looking animals
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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