she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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