How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
