My first STD was from a foam party
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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