I think I won the penis lottery.
i just google imaged poop.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
