well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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