You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
