Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
