there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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