I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
