So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
