thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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