gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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