I am in a vortex of obligation.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
