when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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