Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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