what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
