Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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