I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
