I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I deserve this hangover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
