im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.