is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!