I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everclear isn't food dammit