And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You can't just leave with hair like that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.