fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.