Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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