your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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