even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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