She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
