I am midnight drunk by noon
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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