There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
