my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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