He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
