Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize