just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
