Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
