Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
