you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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