there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
