it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
