The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
