gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
