Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can I color on your dick again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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