I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
