Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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