Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
