where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
