Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
