Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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