I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
