We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
