She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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