Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
