Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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