Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
