If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
