you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
