apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
