it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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