you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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