it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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