he wants to bone in the snuggie
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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