so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
