can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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