Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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