my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
