remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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