Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
